Day 2

[d_c]

The briefing had gone, well about as well as could be expected all things considered. Palmer was clearly competent and knew her job, but she didn't trust D.C>, which was probably for the best. The Counselor had always been very attentive to reports and connections made with others, the whole point of Freelancer was not to be noticed until you were gone. That she'd even stepped out of her bounds to speak with Tom alone had been teetering on breach of orders, but she couldn't have done it any other way. He deserved better than to be lie to, again.

Chyler and Tom had been so young, so full of promise. There had been days when she thought one day they'd have their own command together. Pipe dreams, but she at least had enough heart to dream them back then. Before everything changed, she didn't dream anymore, sometimes she'd remember, but never really dream.

Four or five days was a lot of time to kill and she couldn't just hole up in her room and wait, some of the Freelancers might, others might start fights, one would surely be training the entire time. But she wasn't like them, she sure as hell wasn't like Texas. Out of her armor she could fairly well blend in, something it would be hard for true Spartans to do. She though could fade into the crowd and get lost, listen to conversations and life and remember what she'd had something like that.

She'd decided to walk the ship, get a feel for Tom's Command, and what a ship she was. Huge really, ten times as long as Mother of Invention at least. She'd read over the specs before ever coming on board but still, caustically seeing it was incredible. By the morning of day two she'd walked far enough to find Memorial Park and had been stunned by how lovely and out of place it was. Suddenly a forest inside all that cold metal. She'd have to revisit it later, but something about it reminded her of other places and other times.

Her journey stopped at the mess hall, she followed the line like everyone else with no word or complaint. She could have chosen the officers mess but that seemed like pushing herself in somewhere she might not be wanted. She got her food and most importantly a large cup of coffee, still with cream and sugar. She'd never gotten used to it black and would only drink it that way if no other option was available.

With tray in hand she found an empty table along the side wall and sat, a data pad laid beside her tray and she began to read as she slowly ate cereal.

Comments

[infinitycaptain]

Tom for his part had taken the last couple of days to think about that private conversation, at least in those few moments he had to himself. It hadn't gone exactly well. Frankly, he had no one to blame but himself... he'd let his emotions get the better of him. It was never easy to face the ghosts of his past and then to have it all turned on it's head...

He left Armstrong in charge of the helm and took a few hours for himself. Invariably his path leads him to the garden, his favorite part of the ship. It's a place of solace and reflection and he could use a little of both right now. When he was here Roland gave him space, only intruding when absolutely necessary. Given all the subtle and not so subtle hints he'd been dropping, a little break from him too was welcome.

Eventually he comes to a decision... he can't put things off any longer. "Roland, would you ask our Freelancer guest to join me. We need to clear the air about a few things."

"Sure thing Captain Lasky." Tom rolls his eyes at the touch of smugness in Roland's affirmative.

[d_c]

She was just finishing putting away her tray when the data pad chirped and called her attention to a waiting message. The charming little ship’s AI, Roland, relayed the request from Tom, and did so with a flourish of something. “Please let the Captain know I’ll change and be right there.” Showing up in work out gear wouldn’t make the best impression, so she took a quick jog back to her quarters to rinse off and suit up in plain fatigues.

She pulled her hair up into a long tail as she briskly walked down the hallway toward the park. Glad she’d already mapped out a large portion of the ship early on here. It didn’t take her long to get there, and she saw him from a distance.

The pang in her heart tugged as much as the phantom pains of the scar in her abdomen. Replaced and mended muscles twitched and she laid a hand over them out of old habit. She took a deep breath to collect herself and then moved forward, stopping a few feet shy and at a relaxed stance.

“You wanted to see me, Captain?”

[infinitycaptain]

'Charming' was certainly one way to describe Roland. For all his quirks, Lasky couldn't have asked for a better match and he'd mourn on the inevitable day the AI had to be decommissioned. But at the moment, that day was the furthest thing from his mind.

He stands with his hands clasped behind his back, a long ingrained habit. Trying to think of how to approach this, what to say now that he had committed to this. It's only when she speaks that he drops his arms and motions for her to join him. "Thank you for coming."

It had been a request, not an order, and she had the presumptive right to deny him. He wasn't her CO. Now that she was here he realizes that he doesn't have anything resembling a plan.

"Chyler, I... I wanted to apologize for earlier." He takes a deep breath. "It wasn't fair of me to shut you down like that."

But he was shocked and angry and damned hurt.

[d_c]

Chyler

NO one used her name anymore, it was dead to everyone who had known her. To hear it was a shock again, but to hear from his lips, it was enough to make her have to look down to force her composure.

Damn the program and damn Oni They knew this would be hard on her, they’d sent her hear knowing her past and knowing that meant Tom would be willing to work with her on it. But they had to have known it would hurt like hell too. To just pop into his life and back out again without any sort of decent explanation, never knowing if she’d even see him again.

“You have nothing to apologize for, I was dropped into your lap and you’re rising to the task.” She wanted.. well she wanted a lot. Not the least of which was to grab his hand and try to run away somewhere far away from all of this and pretend the intervening years never happened. But that wasn’t who either of them were.

“I deserved it.” She said quietly. “I should have tried to get you word somehow. It took a long time to get back to form, and after that it seemed like, even if I could get word out from the program that it might do more harm than good.” Please Tom, let her carry this burden, you’ve already done so much. “I don’t know what it means, maybe nothing, but I am so proud of you.”

[infinitycaptain]

"You should have." He's not going to lie, he's not very good at it anyway. That choice above everything hurts him and he's not going to pretend anymore that it doesn't. "But that doesn't mean you deserved it."

He was at fault and he's going to own up to it... whether she likes it or not. Because, he may be hurt but that doesn't give him the right to take it out on her. He's better than that.

Anyway, Osman and whatever this black op program of hers is, they're far more deserving of his anger. None of this was an accident. And as much as he wants to deny it, Sarah is right. He's emotionally compromised. As long as he can keep ahead of it and not let it interfere with the mission, then ONI can shove it. He's not losing Infinity just yet.

"I could never have made it without you." He gives her a small but warm smile. As much as it hurt, as surreal as it was... seeing her again... Not all of that pain was necessarily bad. She had inspired him to be better, both as a soldier and a person.

[d_c]

She expected him to come down on her, she was ready for it. She could have broken protocol and reached out, she should have even. Risked what she had to let him know she was alive. But..she'd been afraid. All she had she could lose and what would she be then? What would it have done to his career? Her being alive would only have caused havok with them both.

"Tom," Her voice is low and mournful, she shook her head. A step taken forward and another. If they were both who they'd used to be this would be easy, she could just wrap her arms around him and hold him. But they weren't kids anymore and they surely were not as free to act as they once were. She settled for looking at him and hoping the longing she felt wasn't betrayed in her voice or eyes.

"You were always so strong, you never gave up. That was why you made it out, made it here." And why she would always love him.

[infinitycaptain]

He takes his own step to close the gap between them. Another time, another situation and he would have taken her into his arms, not wanting to let her go. He never stopped loving her and he'd never loved anyone else like he had her. That wasn't to say he had been a boy scout all that time, but he certainly hadn't been a DeMarco either.

To be honest, the only person who approaches the level of openness he'd shared with her is Sarah.

"Chyler, please..." He stops, his voice threatening to grow thick with emotion. Emotions he can't afford to just air publicly. Even if Roland has the area discretely sectioned off so they can talk. He looks at the floor between them for a moment to gain composure before daring to meet her eyes again. He doesn't deserve her praise, he isn't any more of those things than most people on this ship.

Tom takes a deep breath and reaches into a pocket. If there's anything that can tell her how he feels without words... "I have something that belongs to you."

He pulls out the chain with her and Cadmon's dogtags and runs his thumb over the piece of armor before opening his hand to show her. Carefully, he separates her tags from his brother's so he can remove them from the chain. "I should give these back to you."

She gave them to him because she thought she was going to die. She's not dead, it's not right that he keeps them now.

[d_c]

His voice was level but for that instant she heard in it the same quaver and weight she felt in her own. Something about that was bitter sweet. Could he still feel something for her? If he did, was it something he could even let himself feel given what had happened? Was she unforgiveable?

She frowned when he said that, what could he have that was her’s? When he drew out the tags she knew instantly what it was. The fact that he’d kept them and kept them with his brothers tags was overwhelming. Cadmon had been the most important person in his life, he’d idolized his brother and grieved him daily. She realized she’d added to that and it broke her heart.

“Please, don’t.” Her hand again went to the phantom pain in her abdomen, fingers curling over the healed scar feeling numb. “I’m sorry.” She backed away, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”

She turned and walked back toward the entry of the park, she broke into a run with tears welling in her eyes, she didn’t stop until she had found her quarters. She hit the wall and slid to the floor, arms going around her knees. For the first time in decades she wept, and the well of tears would not be stopped.

[infinitycaptain]

It's not until he sees the look on her face that he realizes just how terribly he'd miscalculated. He wasn't doing this to make her feel guilty. When he sees her hand go to the wound he knew was there he almost winces in pain with her.

"Chyler... I didn't..."

But it's too late and the damage is done. Give him a battle and he can come up with a strategy, give him a fight and he can hold his own, but this... He sinks down to a bench and puts his head in his hands. "Damn."

It takes him a while to collect himself, but he has duties he can't put off and he wants to give Chyler the space she needs. Roland had quietly informed him that she was in her quarters and left it at that. Since there's no point in disrupting the ship or Commander Palmer he finishes out his planed duty roster.

Once he's done he needs a drink or a run. But he doesn't like to drink alone and Sarah is busy... so running it is. He changes out of uniform and sets off. He knew he told Sarah that she would be the first to know if something was bothering him and she will be... just, not yet.

He doesn't know how he let Roland talk him into this. He didn't have any When he didn't have a particular route in mind so Roland helpfully pointed out that Agent DC's quarters were an ideal distance for a quick jog. And now he's standing at her door feeling like a cadet again.

He reaches out and knocks on her door bulkhead, like he used to on the wall between them. Hoping to get a knock in response.

[d_c]

The crying lasted twenty minutes tops, but it had felt like hours. After she'd taken a shower to wash away that hollow feeling, it hadn't worked. So she did what she thought might, A couple of bottles sat on the small table in her room, on glass dangled between her fingers. But of the bottles were anything to go by she hadn't had more than one drink so far. She just sa there, staring at the wall, seeing the words of the Corbulo Academy that used to be a mantra for her before sleep.

Excellence, allegiance, devotion, service...

She could see them even now, even as the place that housed them was nothing more than overgrown rubble. Like everything it had gone to seed.

She was deep in her reverie when she heard the knock, double tap and a pause. She looked up at the door, expectantly but without moving, until the second set came. Slowly and with her own apprehension she made her way to the door on bare feet. She leaned on the wall near the door and pressed her hand to it for a moment before her hand curled and knuckles wrapped three times back.

[infinitycaptain]

It wasn't until the reply came that he realizes he was holding his breath. So much tension leaves with that exhale. Even with the circumstances, her reply was the most soothing thing he's heard in a long time.

His hand moves to the intercom and hovers there. It's a problematic thing that he's about to do... he might not be her CO, but he's the captain of the ship... it's certainly bad optics, if not questionable ethics. Palmer would be livid if she knew. He pushes the button anyway. "May I come in?"

[d_c]

Her curled fist hits the button on her side. "It's your ship, you can go pretty much wherever you want." Not as much of an answer as maybe he wanted but it was what he got, followed by the chime of a door being unsecured for entry.

Chyler walked back to her glass, still mostly full, still sitting there looking like a very bad decision waiting to happen.

Her disheveled state couldn't be blamed on the alcohol, she hadn't had enough. So her mussed hair and clean unadorned skin was just her natural state. The fact that she was wearing a button down shirt that covered her but was a million miles from regulation was another story.

She got tired of the skin suits, always tight, always clinging and always a reminder of what she was now. And fatigues were something of a lie considering she existed outside the bounds of that true lifestyle these days.

So there she was, not at all ready for company but too emotionally tired to care, all bare legs and lose shirt and looking like she was bone tired. Not exactly the prettiest sight he'd ever see.

[infinitycaptain]

"She may be my ship, but these are your quarters. It's your say." The door opens but he makes no move to actually enter.

She'd seen him doubled over retching violently after cryosleep. He likes to think he has her beat on the 'not the prettiest sight' front. But her words are sharp reminder of why he should have just walked away. And he's here in just a tshirt and sweats...

"I can come back another time." He feels heartsick seeing her like this. Knowing what his stupid gesture had done. "I'm sorry I bothered you."

What did he really think was going to happen anyway? They aren't kids, they've been separated by a lifetime of war and hell and their own demons. But for a moment he thought... maybe... He gives her a sad smile and a nod before he turns to leave.

[d_c]

"That hesitation is what lost us most of our trial runs." She tipped back her glass, finally downing the remainder of the gin. "Come in, you came all the way here after all." And she hadn't exactly given him the best response the last time they saw each other.

It was her turn to apologize for bad behavior. Regardless of how he entered it wasn't going to be fast enough, so she slid from her bed and moved to usher him inside before the door closed with him on the other side.

"Can I get you a drink? I thought I'd be further through this by now." She gestured to the bottle and a small set of tumblers nearby. She was already refilling her own before taking a seat again on her bed.

Sure she might have see him in the after effects of cryo, but that was him being brave, this was her wallowing, and that was not something Chyler was known for. Hell she hadn't even broken down this much when talking about her family. He'd only ever seen her start to hurt when she thought she was losing him, or leaving him behind.

[infinitycaptain]

He lets himself be guided in and takes the empty chair and the empty glass. "Yeah, I could use one."

Or more... but definitely one. He'll drink a good chunk of what he's given and nurse the rest for a while. He has to be able to get back to his quarters when all is said and done. Once he's had his first swallow, he sets his elbows on his knees and takes in the sight of her.

If she ever told him she thought he was being brave coming out of cryo... he would probably laugh at her. His only thoughts at the time were about how embarrassing it would be to die like that and how he can't leave them down a man so he has to push through.
Frankly, that's still what goes through his mind when he's face first on the gantry. As for wallowing, everyone wallows now and again and he has no idea what she's seen out there.

He looks back down to the glass in his hand and thinks. There are so many things he wants to ask her, so many things he wants to say.

"I know I haven't been the best host, but..." Tom takes a quick breath, hoping that he doesn't say the wrong thing. "I just want you to know how happy I am that you survived."

He needs to get that out there. In spite of everything else he's feeling, he needs her know that. His hurt isn't going to just stop and neither is his frustration at the whole situation... but he's not going to shun her. Or hold it against her.

[d_c]

She scoffed as he commented on his level of graciousness as a host, but she doesn’t interrupt him. She’d been dropped in on him in the most awkward way possible and he had zero time to adapt, any reaction he had would be warranted.

But then he went on and made her quiet, her face softening. “I haven’t always been.” She murmured, her gaze falling on the glass in her hand. “It hurt like hell, not at the time. Shock had set in before you and the Chief had to move, so there wasn’t pain then. But after…” Her other hand rubbed at that spot on her abdomen again.

“The needler spike burned out the nerve endings, so they had to be regrown. That’s interesting new feeling.” Imagine a cluster of raw nerves open and constantly being prodded. “I wanted to die then, it hurt and they couldn’t,” Later she found out it was just wouldn’t, “tell me what had happened, if there were survivors.” And she hadn’t seen a lot of reason to want to go on with that.

“I found out a few years on that you’d made it out, a few of you. I was able to dig things up and follow your career, but I was under restriction and couldn’t communicate with any part of my life before.” And that had pained her as much as her repair. “I knew you were alive, you were out there and you were proving everything I’d ever said about you right. If you could do that, what sort of coward would I be if I failed to do the same?”

She laughed softly, more rueful chuckle. “You didn’t even know, and yet not want to let you down kept me alive.”

[infinitycaptain]

He holds himself to a high standard... and he'd missed the mark. By a long shot.

"I didn't want to leave you, but I..." He stops right there, he has to. That's not a line of thought he can afford and he wants her to finish what she needs to say. So he finishes his drink and runs a hand through his hair.

Tom listens to her with a soft frown on his face. He's seen more needler wounds and the resulting scars than he'd like. If anyone could fight their way through it, it was her.

He smiles at her last comment. "If it makes you feel better, wanting to live up to what you saw in me was what kept me going."

[d_c]

“You did good.” She nodded at him, finally smiling in a way that he would recall from their younger days.

“Not that scrawny guy I worried I’d break if I hugged to hard anymore.” She laughed and looked him over, no Tom wasn’t a young man anymore, but he was still Tom to the core. His fidgets, his hesitation, his inability to see his own value.

“I saw pictures of you, as you progressed and earned commendations. Watched you change.” He’d grown up, filled out, but not his eyes, they were exactly the same.

“It was all I had, nothing tangible left.” Nothing she could touch, she didn’t even have a set of dogtags she could hold.

[infinitycaptain]

"I put on a few pounds since then." Something about seeing that familiar smile and the way she looks at him... he sits a little straighter.

"It's going to take more than a hug to break me now." His smile holds a touch of wry humor at the edges. If he wanted to fly, he had to breathe and if he wanted to breathe, he had to keep in peak shape. You can't have a captain that can't respond in a crisis because his lungs give out.

Middle age was starting to soften that shape a bit, but he didn't mind.

[d_c]

“Filled out.” She nodded, but not in a bad way. His sharp angles had softened but lost none of their strength, he was still handsome to her.

“Yeah? If we were younger I’d say that almost sounds like a challenge.” Hint of wit in her voice, the soft creep of British accent making it a dry wit. She’d always picked on him, at him. It was how they’d interacted.

Age hit everyone, her face had taken on more lines, full lips had thinned a bit, she wore more worry than promise now, but she was lean and solid in ways she had never been. More scars now, but she was alive.

[infinitycaptain]

"I know better than to challenge someone who wears Mjolnir." He chuckles and tries not to flush. It's more the shared intimacy than anything overtly sexual. Having her here and the teasing nature of the conversation.

The fact he's every bit as attracted to her now as he was then doesn't help. Her scars do nothing to diminish that.

"I wish I could ask you about what you've been doing all this time. But I guess that's just the nature of the beast."

He offers to pour them both a new glass.

[d_c]

“I’m not in it now, seems fair enough.” She smirked. “And I’m not like your friend Palmer.” Hint of inquiry in her tone, even if she wouldn’t press on that. She knew he was close with her, because she knew the looks he gave her. It was the way they had used to communicate without words.

“You can ask, I can tell off the record generalities. Anything else I can tell you that I can’t answer or I can lie, your choice.” She’d learned how to do that, which would have made Vickers proud.

Chyler nodded to his offer to pour and watched him silently while he did so. “Thank you.” For the drink? Maybe. Or maybe for coming at all and letting her feel like she hadn’t lost the one person in the universe that still mattered.

[infinitycaptain]

He raises an eyebrow at the mention of Sarah and the undertone it held. "Sarah and I are friends, that's all."

He's not bothering with trying to add more distance between them by calling her Palmer. Even if there was something more than friendship on his part, he respects her too much to risk sinking both of their careers. "And I'd rather you be honest with me. Even if it means you don't answer."

He pours and considers what to ask. Nothing about the armor, nothing about her missions...

"You said you aren't like her... what do you mean?"

[d_c]

Sarah and he were friends. Yes she could tell that by the way they interacted. And at least on Palmer's side there was more than simply co-worker closeness she thought.

But that wasn't her business was it? She's been gone, he had to have a life. She would have wanted him to. So why did it feel like something in her burned a little at the idea?

"Then anything you ask that I can answer, I'll answer honestly. And anything else I just won't answer." So like a drinking game then, this could lead to trouble. She tipped back her glass and drained it, the burn felt good now, nice and warm on the way down. Her shoulders lost some of their ache too. This was what people bought alcohol for.

"I'm not a Spartan. Not designed for what they are. I'm," What to call herself? "An inferior model in some respects. They said I had good form to start with, but I was too old for augmentation. So they just built on what I had. Made me as good as I could be." Vague words but she was clearly in peak condition. Strong arms, well muscled, long and lean legs that showed her tone when she moved like she did now to refill her glass.

[infinitycaptain]

He sips and thinks and tries not to focus on watching how she moves. So, they did something to her, just nothing as drastic as the Spartans went through.

"Pretty sure, that's not a standard issue UNSC outfit. You Freelancers allowed to just wear whatever?"

He's mostly teasing her... but he might find out a little more about where this group of hers fits in the hierarchy. Or she got it from a guy she knows. Which, you know, great. She deserves someone in her life.