She scoffed as he commented on his level of graciousness as a host, but she doesn’t interrupt him. She’d been dropped in on him in the most awkward way possible and he had zero time to adapt, any reaction he had would be warranted.
But then he went on and made her quiet, her face softening. “I haven’t always been.” She murmured, her gaze falling on the glass in her hand. “It hurt like hell, not at the time. Shock had set in before you and the Chief had to move, so there wasn’t pain then. But after…” Her other hand rubbed at that spot on her abdomen again.
“The needler spike burned out the nerve endings, so they had to be regrown. That’s interesting new feeling.” Imagine a cluster of raw nerves open and constantly being prodded. “I wanted to die then, it hurt and they couldn’t,” Later she found out it was just wouldn’t, “tell me what had happened, if there were survivors.” And she hadn’t seen a lot of reason to want to go on with that.
“I found out a few years on that you’d made it out, a few of you. I was able to dig things up and follow your career, but I was under restriction and couldn’t communicate with any part of my life before.” And that had pained her as much as her repair. “I knew you were alive, you were out there and you were proving everything I’d ever said about you right. If you could do that, what sort of coward would I be if I failed to do the same?”
She laughed softly, more rueful chuckle. “You didn’t even know, and yet not want to let you down kept me alive.”
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carisma_sensei
no subject
Date: 2020-01-24 05:12 pm (UTC)She scoffed as he commented on his level of graciousness as a host, but she doesn’t interrupt him. She’d been dropped in on him in the most awkward way possible and he had zero time to adapt, any reaction he had would be warranted.
But then he went on and made her quiet, her face softening. “I haven’t always been.” She murmured, her gaze falling on the glass in her hand. “It hurt like hell, not at the time. Shock had set in before you and the Chief had to move, so there wasn’t pain then. But after…” Her other hand rubbed at that spot on her abdomen again.
“The needler spike burned out the nerve endings, so they had to be regrown. That’s interesting new feeling.” Imagine a cluster of raw nerves open and constantly being prodded. “I wanted to die then, it hurt and they couldn’t,” Later she found out it was just wouldn’t, “tell me what had happened, if there were survivors.” And she hadn’t seen a lot of reason to want to go on with that.
“I found out a few years on that you’d made it out, a few of you. I was able to dig things up and follow your career, but I was under restriction and couldn’t communicate with any part of my life before.” And that had pained her as much as her repair. “I knew you were alive, you were out there and you were proving everything I’d ever said about you right. If you could do that, what sort of coward would I be if I failed to do the same?”
She laughed softly, more rueful chuckle. “You didn’t even know, and yet not want to let you down kept me alive.”