Day 2

[d_c]

The briefing had gone, well about as well as could be expected all things considered. Palmer was clearly competent and knew her job, but she didn't trust D.C>, which was probably for the best. The Counselor had always been very attentive to reports and connections made with others, the whole point of Freelancer was not to be noticed until you were gone. That she'd even stepped out of her bounds to speak with Tom alone had been teetering on breach of orders, but she couldn't have done it any other way. He deserved better than to be lie to, again.

Chyler and Tom had been so young, so full of promise. There had been days when she thought one day they'd have their own command together. Pipe dreams, but she at least had enough heart to dream them back then. Before everything changed, she didn't dream anymore, sometimes she'd remember, but never really dream.

Four or five days was a lot of time to kill and she couldn't just hole up in her room and wait, some of the Freelancers might, others might start fights, one would surely be training the entire time. But she wasn't like them, she sure as hell wasn't like Texas. Out of her armor she could fairly well blend in, something it would be hard for true Spartans to do. She though could fade into the crowd and get lost, listen to conversations and life and remember what she'd had something like that.

She'd decided to walk the ship, get a feel for Tom's Command, and what a ship she was. Huge really, ten times as long as Mother of Invention at least. She'd read over the specs before ever coming on board but still, caustically seeing it was incredible. By the morning of day two she'd walked far enough to find Memorial Park and had been stunned by how lovely and out of place it was. Suddenly a forest inside all that cold metal. She'd have to revisit it later, but something about it reminded her of other places and other times.

Her journey stopped at the mess hall, she followed the line like everyone else with no word or complaint. She could have chosen the officers mess but that seemed like pushing herself in somewhere she might not be wanted. She got her food and most importantly a large cup of coffee, still with cream and sugar. She'd never gotten used to it black and would only drink it that way if no other option was available.

With tray in hand she found an empty table along the side wall and sat, a data pad laid beside her tray and she began to read as she slowly ate cereal.

Comments

[d_c]

The crying lasted twenty minutes tops, but it had felt like hours. After she'd taken a shower to wash away that hollow feeling, it hadn't worked. So she did what she thought might, A couple of bottles sat on the small table in her room, on glass dangled between her fingers. But of the bottles were anything to go by she hadn't had more than one drink so far. She just sa there, staring at the wall, seeing the words of the Corbulo Academy that used to be a mantra for her before sleep.

Excellence, allegiance, devotion, service...

She could see them even now, even as the place that housed them was nothing more than overgrown rubble. Like everything it had gone to seed.

She was deep in her reverie when she heard the knock, double tap and a pause. She looked up at the door, expectantly but without moving, until the second set came. Slowly and with her own apprehension she made her way to the door on bare feet. She leaned on the wall near the door and pressed her hand to it for a moment before her hand curled and knuckles wrapped three times back.

[infinitycaptain]

It wasn't until the reply came that he realizes he was holding his breath. So much tension leaves with that exhale. Even with the circumstances, her reply was the most soothing thing he's heard in a long time.

His hand moves to the intercom and hovers there. It's a problematic thing that he's about to do... he might not be her CO, but he's the captain of the ship... it's certainly bad optics, if not questionable ethics. Palmer would be livid if she knew. He pushes the button anyway. "May I come in?"

[d_c]

Her curled fist hits the button on her side. "It's your ship, you can go pretty much wherever you want." Not as much of an answer as maybe he wanted but it was what he got, followed by the chime of a door being unsecured for entry.

Chyler walked back to her glass, still mostly full, still sitting there looking like a very bad decision waiting to happen.

Her disheveled state couldn't be blamed on the alcohol, she hadn't had enough. So her mussed hair and clean unadorned skin was just her natural state. The fact that she was wearing a button down shirt that covered her but was a million miles from regulation was another story.

She got tired of the skin suits, always tight, always clinging and always a reminder of what she was now. And fatigues were something of a lie considering she existed outside the bounds of that true lifestyle these days.

So there she was, not at all ready for company but too emotionally tired to care, all bare legs and lose shirt and looking like she was bone tired. Not exactly the prettiest sight he'd ever see.

[infinitycaptain]

"She may be my ship, but these are your quarters. It's your say." The door opens but he makes no move to actually enter.

She'd seen him doubled over retching violently after cryosleep. He likes to think he has her beat on the 'not the prettiest sight' front. But her words are sharp reminder of why he should have just walked away. And he's here in just a tshirt and sweats...

"I can come back another time." He feels heartsick seeing her like this. Knowing what his stupid gesture had done. "I'm sorry I bothered you."

What did he really think was going to happen anyway? They aren't kids, they've been separated by a lifetime of war and hell and their own demons. But for a moment he thought... maybe... He gives her a sad smile and a nod before he turns to leave.

[d_c]

"That hesitation is what lost us most of our trial runs." She tipped back her glass, finally downing the remainder of the gin. "Come in, you came all the way here after all." And she hadn't exactly given him the best response the last time they saw each other.

It was her turn to apologize for bad behavior. Regardless of how he entered it wasn't going to be fast enough, so she slid from her bed and moved to usher him inside before the door closed with him on the other side.

"Can I get you a drink? I thought I'd be further through this by now." She gestured to the bottle and a small set of tumblers nearby. She was already refilling her own before taking a seat again on her bed.

Sure she might have see him in the after effects of cryo, but that was him being brave, this was her wallowing, and that was not something Chyler was known for. Hell she hadn't even broken down this much when talking about her family. He'd only ever seen her start to hurt when she thought she was losing him, or leaving him behind.

[infinitycaptain]

He lets himself be guided in and takes the empty chair and the empty glass. "Yeah, I could use one."

Or more... but definitely one. He'll drink a good chunk of what he's given and nurse the rest for a while. He has to be able to get back to his quarters when all is said and done. Once he's had his first swallow, he sets his elbows on his knees and takes in the sight of her.

If she ever told him she thought he was being brave coming out of cryo... he would probably laugh at her. His only thoughts at the time were about how embarrassing it would be to die like that and how he can't leave them down a man so he has to push through.
Frankly, that's still what goes through his mind when he's face first on the gantry. As for wallowing, everyone wallows now and again and he has no idea what she's seen out there.

He looks back down to the glass in his hand and thinks. There are so many things he wants to ask her, so many things he wants to say.

"I know I haven't been the best host, but..." Tom takes a quick breath, hoping that he doesn't say the wrong thing. "I just want you to know how happy I am that you survived."

He needs to get that out there. In spite of everything else he's feeling, he needs her know that. His hurt isn't going to just stop and neither is his frustration at the whole situation... but he's not going to shun her. Or hold it against her.

[d_c]

She scoffed as he commented on his level of graciousness as a host, but she doesn’t interrupt him. She’d been dropped in on him in the most awkward way possible and he had zero time to adapt, any reaction he had would be warranted.

But then he went on and made her quiet, her face softening. “I haven’t always been.” She murmured, her gaze falling on the glass in her hand. “It hurt like hell, not at the time. Shock had set in before you and the Chief had to move, so there wasn’t pain then. But after…” Her other hand rubbed at that spot on her abdomen again.

“The needler spike burned out the nerve endings, so they had to be regrown. That’s interesting new feeling.” Imagine a cluster of raw nerves open and constantly being prodded. “I wanted to die then, it hurt and they couldn’t,” Later she found out it was just wouldn’t, “tell me what had happened, if there were survivors.” And she hadn’t seen a lot of reason to want to go on with that.

“I found out a few years on that you’d made it out, a few of you. I was able to dig things up and follow your career, but I was under restriction and couldn’t communicate with any part of my life before.” And that had pained her as much as her repair. “I knew you were alive, you were out there and you were proving everything I’d ever said about you right. If you could do that, what sort of coward would I be if I failed to do the same?”

She laughed softly, more rueful chuckle. “You didn’t even know, and yet not want to let you down kept me alive.”

[infinitycaptain]

He holds himself to a high standard... and he'd missed the mark. By a long shot.

"I didn't want to leave you, but I..." He stops right there, he has to. That's not a line of thought he can afford and he wants her to finish what she needs to say. So he finishes his drink and runs a hand through his hair.

Tom listens to her with a soft frown on his face. He's seen more needler wounds and the resulting scars than he'd like. If anyone could fight their way through it, it was her.

He smiles at her last comment. "If it makes you feel better, wanting to live up to what you saw in me was what kept me going."

[d_c]

“You did good.” She nodded at him, finally smiling in a way that he would recall from their younger days.

“Not that scrawny guy I worried I’d break if I hugged to hard anymore.” She laughed and looked him over, no Tom wasn’t a young man anymore, but he was still Tom to the core. His fidgets, his hesitation, his inability to see his own value.

“I saw pictures of you, as you progressed and earned commendations. Watched you change.” He’d grown up, filled out, but not his eyes, they were exactly the same.

“It was all I had, nothing tangible left.” Nothing she could touch, she didn’t even have a set of dogtags she could hold.

[infinitycaptain]

"I put on a few pounds since then." Something about seeing that familiar smile and the way she looks at him... he sits a little straighter.

"It's going to take more than a hug to break me now." His smile holds a touch of wry humor at the edges. If he wanted to fly, he had to breathe and if he wanted to breathe, he had to keep in peak shape. You can't have a captain that can't respond in a crisis because his lungs give out.

Middle age was starting to soften that shape a bit, but he didn't mind.

[d_c]

“Filled out.” She nodded, but not in a bad way. His sharp angles had softened but lost none of their strength, he was still handsome to her.

“Yeah? If we were younger I’d say that almost sounds like a challenge.” Hint of wit in her voice, the soft creep of British accent making it a dry wit. She’d always picked on him, at him. It was how they’d interacted.

Age hit everyone, her face had taken on more lines, full lips had thinned a bit, she wore more worry than promise now, but she was lean and solid in ways she had never been. More scars now, but she was alive.

[infinitycaptain]

"I know better than to challenge someone who wears Mjolnir." He chuckles and tries not to flush. It's more the shared intimacy than anything overtly sexual. Having her here and the teasing nature of the conversation.

The fact he's every bit as attracted to her now as he was then doesn't help. Her scars do nothing to diminish that.

"I wish I could ask you about what you've been doing all this time. But I guess that's just the nature of the beast."

He offers to pour them both a new glass.

[d_c]

“I’m not in it now, seems fair enough.” She smirked. “And I’m not like your friend Palmer.” Hint of inquiry in her tone, even if she wouldn’t press on that. She knew he was close with her, because she knew the looks he gave her. It was the way they had used to communicate without words.

“You can ask, I can tell off the record generalities. Anything else I can tell you that I can’t answer or I can lie, your choice.” She’d learned how to do that, which would have made Vickers proud.

Chyler nodded to his offer to pour and watched him silently while he did so. “Thank you.” For the drink? Maybe. Or maybe for coming at all and letting her feel like she hadn’t lost the one person in the universe that still mattered.

[infinitycaptain]

He raises an eyebrow at the mention of Sarah and the undertone it held. "Sarah and I are friends, that's all."

He's not bothering with trying to add more distance between them by calling her Palmer. Even if there was something more than friendship on his part, he respects her too much to risk sinking both of their careers. "And I'd rather you be honest with me. Even if it means you don't answer."

He pours and considers what to ask. Nothing about the armor, nothing about her missions...

"You said you aren't like her... what do you mean?"

[d_c]

Sarah and he were friends. Yes she could tell that by the way they interacted. And at least on Palmer's side there was more than simply co-worker closeness she thought.

But that wasn't her business was it? She's been gone, he had to have a life. She would have wanted him to. So why did it feel like something in her burned a little at the idea?

"Then anything you ask that I can answer, I'll answer honestly. And anything else I just won't answer." So like a drinking game then, this could lead to trouble. She tipped back her glass and drained it, the burn felt good now, nice and warm on the way down. Her shoulders lost some of their ache too. This was what people bought alcohol for.

"I'm not a Spartan. Not designed for what they are. I'm," What to call herself? "An inferior model in some respects. They said I had good form to start with, but I was too old for augmentation. So they just built on what I had. Made me as good as I could be." Vague words but she was clearly in peak condition. Strong arms, well muscled, long and lean legs that showed her tone when she moved like she did now to refill her glass.

[infinitycaptain]

He sips and thinks and tries not to focus on watching how she moves. So, they did something to her, just nothing as drastic as the Spartans went through.

"Pretty sure, that's not a standard issue UNSC outfit. You Freelancers allowed to just wear whatever?"

He's mostly teasing her... but he might find out a little more about where this group of hers fits in the hierarchy. Or she got it from a guy she knows. Which, you know, great. She deserves someone in her life.

[d_c]

If they hadn't she wouldn't have survived, probably. If she had she wouldn't have been able to fight, or have the use of most of her abdominal organs.

"No, it's not." She picked at one of the buttons and turned it between her fingertips. "It belonged to someone else in the program. We'd started to get to know each other." She shrugged and took a gulp from her glass before setting it down, she had to slow down with that on an empty stomach.

"We were going to go out after his next mission, had it all planned." She looked over his shoulder at the wall. "He didn't make it back and I was assigned to clear out his things. Everything else went into the incinerator. Because we don't have family, we don't leave anything behind. It didn't seem right. No one should be forgotten like that. So I kept this." She chewed on her thumbnail. "He deserved better than a woman who never even kissed him to remember him. But that's what being a ghost means." That was way more than she should have been sharing, but she was on her way to being drunk, emotionally exhausted, tired and feeling like it didn't matter at the moment.

[infinitycaptain]

The problem with having a Spartan for a drinking partner is that Spartans can't get drunk. So you stop worrying about how much your drinking buddy has and focus on pacing yourself. Not that he's ever been much of a drinker to start with.

"I'm sorry." He looks at his glass and rolls it between his hands, feeling awkwardly self conscious. But he makes himself look at her again. "You both deserve better."

The worst part of his job is having to tell the families that their loved one died under his command. He could leave it for the bureaucracy to handle, like so many others do... but that's hollow. People deserve better than that.

"You deserve a life. And he deserves dignity in death."

He hates these amoral ONI backed programs... anyone that could treat people like things.

[d_c]

"I had a life, a good one. Purpose, friends, a future," including you She didn't say it but it was there in her eyes. "But the Covenant had other plans." Chyler shrugged and stood, hitting that restless stage of intoxication where the mind started to make plans that the body wasn't capable of finishing.

"We don't even know each other's names." She walked to the wall, and paced back. "We have our call sign and that has become our identity. I hadn't heard anyone speak my name since Corbulo. Makes it easier to forget you were ever anything but this."

But hearing her name, and hearing it from him? She felt like it changed something. "Funny thing is they don't care what we do in down time. I always thought that was strange but I guess work hard play hard." And South Dakota was certifiable, that woman was some sort of sadist or idiot or both.

[infinitycaptain]

Tom sets the glass down and stands. She's pacing and that's not a good thing. So he steps over to her and puts a hand on her arm. Gently, just to let her know he's here for her.

"I don't care what they call you." His eyes meet hers, searching. "You're Chyler Silva. Nothing can change that."

He slowly reaches out to smooth a bit of her hair back. "Not to me."

[d_c]

That touch, that was all it took to break down the walls she'd been holding up in her mind. She froze and looked at him, half afraid of what he might say.

He spoke her name and she eased back out of his touch, but only to face him properly and boldly wrap her arms around him. Both their bodies had changed but eh hug felt comfortable and sure as it did years ago. She felt something inside her crumbling away, an emptiness that had left her cold and hollow, falling away for something warmer, something whole.

She closed her eyes tightly and rested her forehead against his, her nose brushing along his own, her breath playing softly against his lips when she spoke.

"Say it again, my name."

[infinitycaptain]

There's a split second when she first hugs him and his body goes stiff. But it fades and he relaxes in her embrace, placing his own arms around her. He had made a good solid attempt to rationalize away his feelings, to list all the reasons he shouldn't be here like this... and they all sink into the background as they hold each other.

When she rests her forehead against his, he feels the same nervous giddiness as he had that first time. There's a rush to it but it's more than that. Something he's never had in the few, ultimately brief attempts at a relationship he's tried.

His lips brush hers as he speaks, his voice low. "Chyler."

He murmurs her name again as he presses his lips softly to hers.

[d_c]

He knew her, Tom knew she existed and was real and not some ghost of the program. He speaks her name and his lips graze over hers, she has no hesitation to return the kiss he starts. Something that began over twenty years ago finally coming to fruition.

Chyler moved against him, as if unwilling to let the contact go now that she'd had a taste. Her kiss wasn't as soft as his, it was needy, filled with years of empty longing she'd never realized she carried. Now he was there in her arms and she didn't want to miss a second of him.

Her lips parted and her tongue swept across his mouth, bitter bite of gin still clung to them but the drink was not the cause of all this, it might have lubricated their resistance, but what was happening was completely because they both wanted it.

[infinitycaptain]

One hand cups her while the other slides along the small of her back when she returns his kiss like that. While the pain wasn't so immediate, not a day had passed that he didn't miss her. Now... he draws her bottom lip into his mouth, tasting her, meeting her need with his.

He hadn't come here with any intention to be physical, quite the contrary. But now that he'd crossed that line, he did it without reservation. He wants this. He wants her. As much or as little as she likes.

[d_c]

This would have, perhaps should have happened twenty five years ago, but things had gone differently. So rather than kids with too little life experience and too much pressure they were adults who have chosen their paths in life.

This was her choice, he was her first and only choice. Her kiss deepened, her hands sliding down his back to worm under his shirt and feel his skin. To reassure herself that he was real and here with her and this wasn't a dream, it was good enough to be one.

Her hands, rough and strong, slid up his back, mapping out the lines of muscle and places age was softening him. None of it changed how she felt about him, he could be scarred and missing limbs and he'd still be the first man she ever loved. Only man she ever truly loved.

Chyler had to break the kiss to breathe, her lips still pecking at his between ragged draws of air. "Tom, I don't want to mess things up for you." And she groaned even at the idea of him leaving her in that moment. "But I also know what I want."

She pulled back enough to look in his eyes, her own heated and pupils dilated, cheeks flushed. "I want you. I always have."